to the kids who don’t know what to do

there’s this common prestige for those children who know what they are going to do from the age of crazy. when they know, or think they know, what they are going to become or pursue – and do this. they spend their whole lives working up to this and never fathom doing anything else but what their whole life has been about.

personally, i don’t agree with this. im sorry if you do, I’m not trying to insult you or say it’s wrong, i just don’t believe in your life being so about one thing, one job or one passion. and so I write to the kids, the kids who know nothing (like me) about their futures and what they want to do. and let me make one thing clear;

you are not a failure. you are not a disappointment.

theres so much social negativity out upon young people who don’t have a clear mindset of what to do or where to go. that they feel as if they are disappointment or failures, just because they haven’t decided what to do for the rest of their life from the mere age of SEVENTEEN.

i recently finished high school, and in the last two years it was all about applying to universities and choosing what occupation to pursue. out of about 150-180 students, I was one of the group of about 5 who decided to take a gap year. because i think it’s completely impossible to be able to make the one decision which practically chooses what you’re going to do in your life. nowadays its hard to get to the top without a proper degree as education is so highly looked upon. and you can’t go to university for your whole life, many people get one maybe two shots at it and have the ability to change courses or do another course when you’re older. but for the most part, people choose their ‘course’ at the age of a teen and have to stick by this for their whole life. and i’m calling bullshit.

personally, i have no idea what to do in uni. i have 3 ideas running through my mind, but how can i choose what to study when all i’ve studied before is what is manufactured for me into a syllabus to cover ‘everything you need to know’. in school we learnt what needs to be, do what has to be done, and say what has been set for us to say. its a stimulated game of doing what was given to us and trying to succeed with higher than perfect marks. and once we do everything they have told us to do, we have to choose suddenly what to do in life – after having no experience apart from the ‘maths’ ‘arts’ and all those other basic subjects “schools” find so intriguing.

and when someone doesn’t know exactly what they want to do they are shunned by society because they aren’t in control or they aren’t mature. and this isn’t fair. it isn’t fair that we are supposed to make a choice at the age of seventeen that could effect the next seventy years of our life.

and so to those kids who don’t know where or what to do, just take a breather. life isn’t over when you finish school. its just starting. so instead of trying to rush it, take a break and enjoy what is given to you. one day you will be able to make the right choice, and when it comes you will feel so much better.

 

amber, xx.

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cheers to love

for my love – 

it’s a remarkable feeling; love.

the relaxed and yet ever breath taking journey of falling in love, while painful and extremely scary at times, is an experience which none others can compete with. because the harsh reality of love is: that when you open yourself up to someone, along with the fear and pain which you might encounter, you experience a perpetual happiness which you’ve never felt before. and its a beauty, an art. the art of finding someone so incredibly compatible to you that you swear by the fact that you’re soul mates. the reality of it though, is that once you fall in love, you could never imagine your life without it. and its a tug-o-war with your mind and your heart. whether you allow yourself to love someone, or whether you let the fear of losing it all win.

personally, the fear isn’t strong enough to ever make me stop falling in love with him every day. 

the ability to depend on someone, in a comfortable manner, is spectacular. because you trust them with yourself. you devote yourself to one person, hoping that they will hold you tightly in their own embrace and treasure you so highly in their soul and heart. without this close binding between two people, love wouldn’t be what it is. this “strong feeling of affection” is so much more than described as. its life changing. because when you love someone, you learn how to open yourself up for the better, how to love someone for their difficulties and insecurities, how to truly enjoy moments and make memories that will last lifetimes.

theres a certain privilege of being yours. being the one person you trust in so immensely, or want to spend time together. the privilege to be the person you love. it makes me want you to be proud of me and our love. when in love, you will constantly want to do more for the one you love. make them smile more, laugh more, enjoy more. whatever it is, you would do for them.

love, and the astounding emotions and feelings it brings to you. when you meet your other half, you can’t think of how your life would be without them, because without them it seems so much less than even just ordinary. it wouldn’t seem right. i’ve met someone, someone so perfect for me that if i ever lose them i’ll lose a part of myself because he brings out every good part of myself. i’m the best version of myself when you’re around. love makes you happy, it makes you appreciate what you have, and when you don’t have, you can depend on love to make it better. love is the sole reason for life. whether its through a lover, friends, family, passions and even hobbies. if you’re lucky enough to find something or someone you love enough to want to devote your being to make them happy and improve both your and their lives then thats an extraordinary thing.

and this is what you do for me, i love you dearly. 

transient moments

some people live life, while others truly experience it. whatever you do, if its just rolling by or if its taking a serious route to live the life you want and love, there are moments. moments which make you feel happy, in love, gratified, sorrowful, ecstatic, anxious or feel things you’ve never felt before. and thats life.

we live for the moments that make us look back and reflect. reflect on what has become, what has changed, what is going to happen. these transient moments which have the ability to feel so insignificant in the moment, but in actual fact; change your life.

irrevocable decisions and choices from your past which lead you to be the person you are today, make up who you are. thousands of small moments, all intertwined together to create a seemingly collected solar system. where the smaller, apparently random memories gravitate around major moments of your life stepping stones.

each moment colliding with others, interchanging and revolving around each other.

‘life’ is stated as being ‘the existence of an individual human being or animal.’ i think its more than that. its the continuous living, where life seems simple, and then unexpectedly a moment happens. whether its when you get your dream job, or you read a sad book and cry for hours, or you try on the perfect dress that makes you feel like a million dollars. moments that stand out.

its spectacular to think, how the brain keeps you living. it provides you with all the necessary nerves and abilities to control muscles and everything else it does. and yet it thinks and feels. it remembers things which have obviously stuck to you for a deeper reason. it has the ability to hold onto certain things, then one day you’re thinking back upon everything you’ve ever done and ever achieved and you suddenly remember that one day back in secondary school when you tripped in the corridor, or when you were walking through the arrival halls in the airport. and it takes you by chance and surprises you. because life is so much more than you imagine, theres days which seem so ordinary and uneventful, but one day you will have a memory from it, and it will surprise you to remember how you felt in that moment. temporariness.

then theres the moments that you remember for no apparent reason. such as finding a coin on the floor, or having a coffee, or even a specific bus ride. things you never think would shape who you have become and have become a part of you. but they have.

 

and thats something which i find breathtaking. that we are all on this road we call life, where we take it day by day and try to hope for the best. and while sometimes things don’t seem all that important, you never know what you’re going to remember in a month, or a year, or ten years. or never remember. and its life, you can’t try to remember everything, but take what you recall as being special and enjoy the reminiscence.

 

amber. xx

 

summer fashion i’m craving to try

with my summer travels over and my long summer stretching into my gap year starting, i’m getting more passionate about fashion and really want to dive into the world of style. while i want to try out so many new fashion trends and inspirations i need to work on my confidence because i find it hard to venture out of my own safety box in fears of being judged. but i know this is silly and i should do anything i want, and so i’m going to show some fashion trends and styles which i’m dying to try out soon, and until then i will merely write and post photos about them.

 

1. lace bralettes.

lace bralettes are in one word; gorgeous. the delicate material of lace draws intimacy and yet chic-ness to outfits. while i don’t agree with wearing them only, i think wearing a lace bralette under a loose tank, or a backless tank top and so on can be so pretty. its also a way to keep cool because they are so light and airy. you can explore creativeness with lace bralettes too, the beauty of lace will enhance with your body and look utterly stunning.

 

2. body chains

although rather sexy, body chains can be worn in innocent forms or also in ways to draw attention to the body parts you want to accentuate. over clothes or under, body chains are a simple way to spice up outfits with jewels and thin delicate chains. not only do i love body chains but also head pieces, almost like crowns, beautiful jewels hanging down upon your hair can make you look like a goddess! body chains with bikinis are gorgeous and really make a summer vibe. use colours that compliment your skin tone!

 

3. dungarees / overalls

the playful and casual fashion trend of overalls is normally kinda hated or loved by society. some see it as try hard farm attire, i personally think its an adapted trend which can now be made fashionable if styled right. its something i really want but find so hard to find a perfect set. living in hong kong theres so many chinese fashion shops which sell such good clothing pieces, but then ruin them with things like star studs, or american flags stitched on, or too many ugly rips or ‘acid stains’ which aren’t fashionably done but instead ruin the piece. and so, i’m not scared to try this look but instead searching for the perfect one!

 

now i know thats only three trends but they are still trends i want to try, even though i’ve got many more i thought this was enough for now!

if you’ve got any trends you want to try i would love to see them and possibly get inspired too!

much love, amber. xx

missing someone

i wrote this in a moment of missing my best friend. not just my best friend but my other half, my soulmate. it’s a lot more personal then I’ve ever shown here, i wrote it on my personal tumblr and suddenly feel like sharing it, for maybe some others will read it and find some truth and relevance for themselves.

missing you. it’s one of the hardest things to cope with. and i truly struggle sometimes because you make my world better in so many ways. it’s scary to think that i turn to you so much to make it all better, but i do. and i’m okay with that, because you do it so seamlessly and so perfectly that it feels so right.

days without you go along as normal, for some time that is. and then a wave crashes before me, a wave so powerful that it brings me to a longing to be by your side with a passion so strong it could reach the stars. days without you are normal, unaccompanied by the thousands of breaths of laughter that light up my face and eyes with the love and joy you bring to me. the sparkle of my smile, caused unquestionably by you, is what you say to love. but what i love, is the ease you have to make me enjoy, the never ending comfort you supply to me, the feeling of safety and being at home, the emotional well being of being constantly more than just content. you make me feel in love; in love with you, in love with myself and my life. because i love who I am with you, and i love how i live when you’re around.

and when you’re not, then that’s just a different story. and i can’t wait to be in love again.

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parisian love

paris. The city of love. City of romance. Lights. Food. Culture. Fashion. Art. The city I fell in love with, again.

I travelled to Paris just less than two weeks ago, for my second time, for five short days. I went with one of my greatest school friends; Kristy and I, together ventured off to the city of Paris – along with our near to none knowledge of the language or geography of the city for that matter.

Five short days in Paris, but that’s enough. Enough to make you fall in love with the architecture of the delicate blend between old and modern, the rustic balconies and beautiful flowers. The sweet blends of chocolate macaroons, or the fruity tang of a raspberry tart. Aromatic smells from street stores selling chocolate crepes, deliciously made right in front of your eyes. The continual historical and artistic monuments which never cease to amaze you. Or even the gardens with statues you don’t quite know about but still are spectacular.

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For our five days, we obviously wanted to experience all the tourist destinations. On our first day we caught the metro into central Paris and saw the arc de triomphe, walked down champs élysées until we got to the louvre. Walking through a garden, don’t know the name, and again past beautiful buildings which must have had loads of historical context behind them. It was a perfect day.

The next we visited the Eiffel Tower, the extremely tall statue (meaning loads of stairs). We off course went up, choosing to take the stairs for a better and more unique experience and started our journey to the second floor. Which allowed us to see beautiful views of the entire city of Paris. It was glorious.

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Finally on our last full day, my boyfriend joined us for a short but sweet day in the city of love. It was everything I could have asked for and more. Experiencing and sharing moments under the Eiffel Tower at sunset, then walking up it together late at night and seeing the glistening city of Paris illuminated by thousands of lights. Sitting under the tower while we watched it twinkle at mind night. And although now illegal, doing the love bridge tradition of putting the padlock on the bridge and throwing the key into the river. It’s a day I treasure more than many and truly will never forget.

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For those still reading, I highly recommend you to go to Paris. With family, friends or a loved one. It will be a trip which will not disappoint and will stay with you forever.

For now, amber. xx>

the venture of growing up

so, with summer soon starting for the younger and possibly more naive students, its making me realise that i am officially starting my gap year. majority of my other friends are all going off to uni, us having conversations about them and their soon to be new lives in different countries all around the world has dawned on me.

i’m not going to university.

at least not for now. this common ideology that once a student graduates high school, they should go straight to university is slowly diversifying. people head off straight into jobs, take 6 months off, take a whole year off – people even take multiple years off. the way i look at it, your teenage years and brief time after that is the only real time in your life which you can make true advantage of. you can still live with your parents without seeming (to our judgemental society) like a slacker, you can still do those things which you can’t when you’re thirty and seem to old and mature to do, and you can still do things which are planned for the youngers but you can pull it off anyway. you can take advantage of not having the responsibilities like children, full time jobs, employers and so on. you can allow temptation to guide your life and achieve things you never thought you would be able to, all on the continuous venture of growing up. creating yourself as a person and concentrating on what you actually like and what you actually want to learn. not the bullshit system of school which pushes theories and logic onto students which might not enjoy it and might not understand it no matter how hard they try.  i’ve moved on from the unattainable dreams of being the perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect person. i won’t get full marks in IB, i won’t make no mistakes, i won’t be exactly what everyone wants me to be.

but i will be me. and i’m most excited for this. with many life long friends leaving to other continents it will test our relationships, many will fail and be forgotten – while there will be others which distance cannot overcome. although i do something wish i was going to university this year, a fresh start and a kickoff for new experiences, i’m starting to cherish the choice i made to take a year off. i don’t think im mature enough for university just yet. knowing that i have this time off is letting me relax and destress, and trust me i need it.

to wrap things up, this continual journey of growing up isn’t just evident in your young years. yes graduating high school and starting my gap year has made me think of my life in a different way, but there are so many milestones in life. each one unique in its ways, and each one bringing its own challenges and stories to tell afterwards. what i’m saying is, life is precious. don’t let societal norms stop you from being your own person and growing until you truly feel great with who you are. i’m on that journey now, and i can’t wait to see where it leads me.

until next time,

amber xx.